Not sure what it is, but you know how there are those certain people who you just expect will always be around? I know things don't work that way, but when the world loses someone like that - it's just somehow more shocking, even surreal.
I guess that's how I've always felt about Chris. His music from Soundgarden made up much of the soundtrack for big chunks of my life. Now I'm having trouble wrapping my head around this whole suicide business. You can blame addiction, you can blame the Ativan, big Pharm., whatever...it changes nothing.
To me, it's weird that someone would think of taking their life at age 52. I mean, you've made it; you've succeeded; you've overcome the obstacles of youth. It's time to enjoy your success and everything you've worked so hard for - EVEN IF you find yourself still facing challenges and with goals to reach - what you've overcome and learned so far in life helps to pave your way and make things at least a little easier.
Ultimately, it is what it is, and what's done is done. The only person who probably really understood what what going on was Chris.